A Sum of Firsts

We seem like a sum of firsts,

First sperm, first egg,

First arm, then the leg,

First cradle, first song,

First steps, and then the first fall came along,

A first day at school,

A first splash in the pool,

A first friend, a first fight,

A very first sleepless night,

A first flying dream,

It may seem, nice at first,

But that’s not all of life’s worth,

Like my first clap, the first slap,

My first toy,

My first rains, that very first joy,

I’ve forgotten them,

So many of those forgotten firsts,

The first promise I kept, or broke,

The first lie, or my first mistake,

That first trip to the land of guilt,

Mapping the contours of my first face;

There are ten thousand things to list,

Each of them forgotten, for reasons unknown,

Or known hence forgotten.

The first woman I loved,

She was the first to love me,

Or at least the first to miss me,

the first to kiss me.

The thing about firsts is that,

It hurts, when they’re replaced,

My first ex best friend,

The first love letter, which I misplaced,

The first relationship’s end (twas just a fling)

Or the first time someone said you’ll regret, this or that,

That first bitch or twat,

That first feeling of insecurity,

That first pain of purity,

When man is but a child,

He is wild, untamed, beast of nature,

But that’s just a first,

Then comes an insatiable thirst,

Of that first fuck,

Or that first job you took

(No I mean, the kinds where you earn a pay check)

The first boss, his first cup of coffee,

The one that you made for the first time in a machine you saw for the first time,

That first night of that first wedding,

I hope you don’t have two;

Because twos just seem together, but they come separate, in pairs,

Like a pair of two lines,

That make up a square and box you,

Because first is the worst,

Second is the best, and

You’re too tired for a third.

But this very first life,

Will repeat itself,

In that smile, of your first born,

In that honk of the first horn,

Of your first car,

Not your parents’, your car,

That first drive afar, with your family,

That very first of life’s certainty, and then

Your first dream will come visit you again,

for the first time since it appeared,

When you experience this –

In all of your first life,

Everything is a first,

Time is a close second,

Memory a distant third,

And everything else which follows,

Is denied a podium finish,

Because that’s all that matters, in that order,

From your first breath,

Till you die your first death.

The end, or is it?